Why would I say I’m going to do something—something I really want to do— then not do it?
I’ve been pondering that since our first trip to the Adirondacks last month. We both love hiking in the mountains, and we had talked for several years about getting there. Why on earth had it taken us so long to make this trip happen?
Looking back, I realize we were daunted by what I call the “newness factor.” While we’ve each done quite a bit of hiking over the years, we haven’t done much snow shoeing, and we were completely unfamiliar with the Adirondacks. Every time we sat down to plan a trip, a long list of questions popped up: “What part of the park should we focus on? what trails are suitable for our level? where should we stay? what additional gear might we need for the conditions? What are the safety considerations?” We’d get overwhelmed and put it off.
One day it hit me: “We need help!” And at last, we started to make progress. We consulted a friend who knows the Adirondacks intimately, having hiked dozens of peaks and trails there. She helped us with lists of places to stay, trails to try, essential winter gear, and maps. Our packs were too old, too big, or too small, so we replaced those. We acquired hiking poles, topographical maps, and a thermos. We went to Trader Joe’s and bought enough high-fat cold weather energy foods like salami and cheese to feed an Arctic expedition.
A challenging, fantastic trip
We found a great place to stay in Saranac Lake, got ourselves there with all our gear, cheese, and salami, and set out the next morning early on a popular snow shoe route, reputed to be stunningly beautiful, to a frozen lake at the base of sheer cliffs in the High Peaks Wilderness area.
I’m in good shape, but the day turned out to be downright grueling. I developed a bad blister early on and we took a wrong turn which lengthened the trip to 11 miles. Eight hours on the trail pushed us both to our physical and mental limits. Yet I was never scared or overwhelmed, because we had done our homework. We were responsibly “geared up” for winter, and we knew where we were.
Most important, completing the route left me with a tremendous sense of accomplishment and showed me what we needed to do next time to make it even more fun.
For HSPs, newness may be associated with overwhelm and shame
It’s a reality that for the 70 % of HSPs who (like me) are not high-sensation-seeking, newness can equate with overwhelm. And a second layer over that—fear of the overwhelm— is an issue we may have to deal with as HSPs, if we were shamed as kids for holding back in new situations or simply not supported in coping with our response to the newness. If that’s the case for you, then confronting newness may leave you not only as risk of overwhelm, but also feeling vulnerable or raw .
The thing is, while overwhelm can be unpleasant, missing out on experiences you might love due to the fear of getting overwhelmed (or the fear of shame) is arguably even worse. That’s why I’ve shared our snowshoe story to show how we found a way—by seeking help and preparing with care, in this case— to overcome the “newness factor.” In this week’s 9-minute video, I offer more specific insights about newness and how to handle it:
Emily thanks for sharing. I just found your site recently and am reading your work on shame and sensitivity. Your blog is a beautiful collection of all the many different and u familiar aspects of myself and my younger self. Very Helpful.
Thank you.
Denise, you are welcome…it is true, there are so many aspects of oneself that both reflect one’s sensitivity and are affected by it. I’m glad the writing supports you in some way, and thanks for taking time to write.
Thanks Emiliy for this. It confirms my intuition and need to go slow around the big stuff like setting up my private practice and not ust plowing through the fear but trusting that if I slow down and listen to myself I can move in to new profssional terriory in a self compassionate way. As I reflect I think I have pushed too much at times and in the end it creates more steps backwards than I might if I trust that it is ok to have fear of change but also ok to work with that fear in a creful way and not just ram it all through. I love your very down to earth examples from your own life by the way. INvites me to be authentic with my own self reflection and take the tinoy little things as opportunities to fine tune my self awareness.
Eve, yes, it sounds like hearing my (slightly goofy!) examples confirmed your sense that it really is OK to take your time and get to know this new world of a private practice at a speed and in a manner that works for you. That’s so interesting that you’ve tried to push in the past and it ends up taking longer. And I really like the nuanced view you express of how to be with fear: neither ramming through it nor letting it stop you in your tracks, but being with it in a careful way.
Thank you for your feedback about my “down to earth examples”…I guess you are right, I do look at small things and see how my bigger patterns are playing out in them:)…that’s a very HSP thing to do, isn’t it: to be looking for meaning all the time:) Good luck with your practice! Your HSP intuition can serve you well if you trust it.