Do you back down to avoid conflict?

Do you back down to avoid conflict?

Many sensitive people back down to avoid conflict, fearing the intense overarousal conflict can cause. But avoiding conflict takes its own toll on you and your relationships. Is there a better way?  Elaine Aron says overarousal is the biggest relationship challenge... Read more
Why mess equals stress for sensitive people

Why mess equals stress for sensitive people

For many sensitive people, mess equals stress. We can’t change our temperament, and we can’t avoid making messes. What’s a person to do?   My friend, who is also a highly sensitive person (HSP), called to say the chaos in her apartment was driving... Read more
How do you handle an emotional shock?

How do you handle an emotional shock?

Most of us have our ways of recovering from every-day relationship “bumps”….but how do you handle an emotional shock? Talking yourself out of it unfortunately doesn’t work, as I was reminded last week. One night not long ago I walked full-force into a wall. I... Read more
6 relationship benefits of deliberate forgetting

6 relationship benefits of deliberate forgetting

In our closest relationships, attentiveness and memory are key…but forgetting has benefits too. The venerable Alexander Pope rightfully declared that “To err is human; to forgive, divine.”So I hope he’ll forgive me for offering you my own version of his famous... Read more
“Being inside my body is so difficult”

“Being inside my body is so difficult”

Silvia wrote me to say, “Being inside my body is so difficult.” She wondered if Focusing might help. Yes. Focusing can help a lot—by shifting the inner relationship between our ill body and our inner parts that (understandably) hate feeling sickness or pain.  Thanks... Read more
“I can only relax when I’m alone”

“I can only relax when I’m alone”

Have you ever heard yourself say, “I can only relax when I’m alone”? Sensitive people are keenly attuned to people around us, and for some of us this attunement can morph into exhausting vigilance. Read on to understand how this pattern develops and... Read more
Taming the Inner Critic

Taming the Inner Critic

What do we mean by “taming the Inner Critic”? Impossible as it may sound, the only way to transform a Critic is to develop a relationship with it. The Critic needs your respect and trust before it will give up its role.  In my favorite cook book, Quick... Read more
Do you “think too much?”

Do you “think too much?”

What does it mean to be “in your head too much”? When we drop judgments and simply see our thoughts as messengers, we can learn to manage them.  Shakespeare was my father’s first great love (my mother being his second). Our family took in plays whenever we could, and... Read more