My client Alyssa said, “I’m trying to do the six steps, but I get stuck! I ask questions but I don’t get any answers. What am I doing wrong?” Alyssa is not alone: new clients often ask this question.
When your Inner Bonding practice goes off the rails, take a look at Step One (“Be willing to feel your feelings”) and Step Two (“Move into the intent to learn about those feelings.”) You’ll nearly always find the problem there. Here’s why:
- It is very easy—and very common— to get identified with a wounded part of you that wants to control another part of you.
- If you are trying to control, fix, or get rid of a feeling, you aren’t in the intent to learn.
- If you aren’t in the intent to learn, your inner parts won’t communicate with you, because they don’t trust you…and you get stuck.
This is why you must make sure that you aren’t trying to control, fix, or get rid of a feeling. And you’ve got to do that before you go on to Steps Three and Four.
So far, so good. But there’s a hitch. The very act of making sure you aren’t trying to fix or get rid of a feeling is a Loving Adult action: to be truly willing to feel your feelings, you have to be in the intent to learn. But moving into the intent to learn is Step Two, and we are still on Step One!
This is why we get stuck: Step One and Step Two look like they are sequential, but in reality, they are inseparable, intertwined like an infinity loop.
Once you know this, you have the secret to getting unstuck: you have to do Step One and Step two at the same time. And the best way to do that is through the body-grounding process* I’ll share with your today.
I can’t overemphasize how important this is. Listen to this recording, follow the process, then invite an inner dialogue with whatever is needing your attention. See what happens. Do this once a day for a week and your Inner Bonding practice will deepen noticeably. Do it every day ongoing and your Inner Bonding process will take off. Let me know how it goes.
*The “bones” of this process come from Glenn Fleisch, who teaches Whole Body Focusing: thank you Glenn.