If your parts work process gets stuck, consider this possibility. It can be transformative.

I’m guessing many of you have done some kind of parts work in therapy or in workshops or retreats. Internal Family Systems (IFS) is the most widely known parts work modality. Inner Relationship Focusing (IRF) and Inner Bonding®, the two modalities in which I’m certified, are two other powerful ways of working with your inner parts.

All these modalities start with you going in and making some kind of contact with something that is going on in you. They each have different ways of doing that. One way or another, though, if you are patient and curious, you’ll come to a point where you sense something inside.

Perhaps you’ve noticed that sometimes, you can carry on a conversation with the “something” you’ve made contact with in you, yet you get no relief. You are left feeling frustrated and confused, possibly even doubting if parts work actually works.

Parts work really does work. In this case, though, you may have encountered a part that needs a special kind of attention. It is isolated within its own small world, just like a snow globe.

The snow globe effect

If a part is living within a self-created snow globe, then it does not know that you are there with it. It may sound like it is talking to you, but it isn’t, really. I’ve seen this countless times in my own process, and with clients.

A snow globe is hermetically sealed. No water can leak out. But nothing can get in, either. This tiny container is protective, but it is also utterly isolating. Within it, certain possibilities—like the possibility of loving support—simply don’t exist.

As a result, a snow globe part might be able to hear you out there saying things, but it has no sense that you are there trying to help it, or that you care about it. Even if it seems to respond to things you say, it is responding to an abstraction. It cannot conceive of the existence of a safe person with whom it can confide.

If you suspect a part you are sitting with might not know you are there, you can confirm it simply by checking:

I’m sensing if this place in my chest knows I’m here…or if it feels alone in there.

One way or another, it will let you know. I’m always amazed by the clarity of the response I get to this inner inquiry. If this comes up with a client, they often experience a feeling of surprise: “Oh! It really doesn’t know we are here with it…it’s all alone in there.”

Developing a relationship with it

Once you’ve confirmed it doesn’t know you are there, a new world of possibility opens up to you. It’s as if you’ve been trying to climb a glass cliff, unable to find any purchase. Now, you have suction cups on your hands. You have a way forward.

From this point on, your job is to pay very close attention. Patiently, meticulously reflect back whatever you are hearing and sensing. Don’t add anything or guess or interpret. Just reflect. At each step, after you’ve reflected back, pause. Take time to sense if your reflection resonates with the snow globe part. Sense how it is reacting, then reflect that too to check if your perception is accurate. This close attention builds trust.

As you listen and reflect, the snow globe part will move through three stages:

• It has no idea you are there.
• It gradually realizes you are there, but its attitude towards you is dismissive: “So what? You’re no help. I can’t count on you.” Don’t be daunted. This is, in fact, great news. It means this part now knows there is a “you” there.
• It starts to trust you. The more you reflect its words and emotions in a patient, attentive way, the more it sees you as an ally.

This growing trust has a transformative effect on the part, and on you. That’s because snow globe parts have been exiled: off on their own, struggling to cope, under fire from other parts of you who don’t like their methods. They are exhausted. When they finally hand the reins over to you, you get back all that energy they’ve been using in an effort to survive all alone.

If your inner process gets stuck, and you feel like something isn’t right, consider the possibility that you have met a snow globe part. Now you have more options for being with it.

Photo: Jessica Fadel on Unsplash

Note: This newsletter is 100% human. I wrote it, with no AI assistance.