When you feel overwhelmed by the burden of deep processing, try these actions.

Thanks to all of you who sent along such thoughtful, pertinent questions in response to my plea last month. Kim wrote,

I often feel overwhelmed and burdened by the trait of deep processing… Now I am aware of the deep processing trait but knowing doesn’t make life easier. Do you have tips for living with this trait without feeling constantly overwhelmed?

I felt keen compassion for Kim. I too have endured periods in the past when I felt like I was living on the edge of a cliff. Even when I wasn’t actively falling into overwhelm, I dreaded that I might fall.

To be able to function, I had to make it my top priority to move myself as far as I could from the edge of the cliff. Having worked steadily at this over many years, I have five actions I’d recommend to Kim:

1—Assess your state of self-regulation

If you are experiencing chronic overwhelm, you may be in a state of chronic nervous system overarousal. I’ve listed this step first because it is hard to concentrate on the other steps if you are overwhelmed.

Use your skills of compassionate observation. Ask yourself:

• How would I describe the state of my nervous system in general?
• Am I typically calm, with overwhelm showing up as a sudden spike at certain moments? Chronically on edge, tense, or vigilant? Or some combination?
• When am I most at ease? How do I most effectively restore inner calm when I get overwhelmed?

If your highly sensitive nervous system is chronically overaroused, start by using whatever self-regulation practices you know in order to decrease your feelings of overwhelm.

If you don’t have a reliable way to calm yourself, I highly recommend the other breath-and-movement practices taught by the Breath-Body-Mind organization. By practicing the core practice of coherent breathing over time, I have reset my nervous system to a much calmer baseline. I also use their suite of breath-and-movement practices on the spot if I get overwhelmed.

Caution: For people with more acute trauma reactions, the very act of breathing more slowly can trigger the part of you that tries to feel safe by maintaining constant vigilance. If that’s the case, you will need the support of a practitioner as you learn the practices.

2—Learn about the HSP trait

Once you’ve settled down enough to take it in, knowledge about your trait will lay the foundation for all your efforts to move away from the edge of the cliff of overwhelm. Kim mentioned she is familiar with deep processing. This is a great first step. I recommend going beyond the basic facts and taking time to ponder how exactly they apply to you.

This exploration forms the basis of my Inner Relationship Intensive program, a 17-week deep dive into the HSP trait and how it has affected you personally. But you can benefit greatly from a much smaller investment. Check out a copy of Dr. Elaine Aron’s book, Psychotherapy and the Highly Sensitive Person, from your library. Better yet, buy it. While it is less well known than her other books, it is a superb resource.

The book includes a long list of HSP experiences attributed to the deep processing aspect of the trait. Go through them slowly. Take time to ponder and write about each one. Pay attention to memories and feelings that come up. In the process, you will begin to let go of a layer of shame and self-criticism.

3—Become a compassionate detective

When I’m feeling overwhelmed, I adopt a mentality of “Just the facts, ma’am.” These questions are more specific than the self-regulation questions above. I ask myself, as kindly as I can:

• When do I tend to get overwhelmed? What are the apparent causes? (Fatigue? Caffeine? Not enough breaks? Fraught interactions? The news? Social media?)
• When is it the worst? The best?
• Do I see any patterns here?

I find this fact-finding process itself surprisingly calming, even when I haven’t solved anything yet. I’ve learned that simply by observing “what is,” I’m showing up for myself in an adult way. This presence causes all my inner parts to calm down, and my observations point me towards the necessary next steps.

4—Learn about the relationship between trauma and deep processing

Kim, you are correct that trauma and deep processing are interrelated. You experience trauma when your system gets overwhelmed by an experience that the body and mind simply can’t process.

HSPs, with our deep processing brains, are more susceptible than non-HSPs to the negative effects of trauma. Researchers call this variable susceptibility. This means HSPs are affected more by adverse events in childhood. However, we also benefit more than non-HSPs from any positive support we receive.

Positive is the key here. You can’t erase past trauma, but getting help can really help. Create mental sticky notes —and real ones—to remind yourself of this truth. Otherwise, when you hit a bad patch, you may forget and feel like you are doomed to a life of constant overwhelm. You aren’t.

5—Notice and appreciate small increments of improvement

You can get better, over time. I have, even though it has meant persisting over many years. The burden of deep processing is made heavier by trauma. I wish there were an easy fix for it. I don’t know of one. Rather, you need a multi-pronged approach, anchored in a stance of stubborn kindness towards yourself.

Here, your HSP strength of sensitivity to subtlety will serve you well—if you pair it with kindness. You have a keen ability to notice small increments of change. You also have the choice—which I urge you to take—to celebrate those changes. The more modest they appear, the more important it is to honor the changes you see. By noticing them, you retain them. Then, they will add up powerfully over time.

Note: This newsletter is 100% human. I wrote it, with no AI assistance.

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